Looks like summer's finally here. A luxurious warmth woke me up at 8am. My two big windows looked illuminated. It was a dreamless sleep. The kind you dissolve into when everything about you has been weighed in by joy, sorrow, love and loss. You just die for a night. The fact that I awoke is sheer destiny. Either i choose to continue yesterday's mourns or begin anew.
I feel rested. There's also a sense of the unpredictable raw power of life! It just bulldozes on! There's a whisper in my ears too. A quiet shoosh tells me "Here's another brand new day. Lets see what you do with it, you pathetic piece of crap!"
God or life does have a sense of humor, i'm convinced. Its called "irony." Everytime we fall into our familiar traps, the gods, deities, demons and sages are laughing their bottoms off!
"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..." hums in my head. Another Beatles number seemed to have figured out the vagaries of existential-traps. "We can work it out" is an awakened track that reveals this illusion we tend to take so solidly. In a winding verse, you hear McCartney warn and lament "Life is very short...and there's no time........for fussing and fighting my friends."
I've had a little crack in my solid wall. There's a little light coming in. The light highlights the shadows i've been dodging. It makes visible the things that cause me my worries and my sorrows.
I gotta face up to my son. My differences with his mother shouldn't make me walk away from him. Whatever natural time i've left i should hold precious. More people i've known are now dying. One time when i was a kid i thought only grown-ups died.
I gotta be more forgiving. Getting pissed at myself or at others does no good. In light of how petty, futile, short and narrow our everyday mind is is just mind-boggling! Imagine your sense of waste when you've seen and been in space and find yourself battling over a little air.
I gotta be more tolerant. Haste is waste and if you're not careful or watchful enough you find yourself getting annoyed at a tube of tooth-paste!
I gotta remember impermanence. Nothing lasts forever; not even cold-November rain! Even Rose and Slash had that figured out.
I gotta remember death. Everything around you is constantly dying, including you.
Then I gotta remember life. If everything is constantly being born and dying in a continuous process of birth, death and rebirth, really, the moments you have really is your "life."
Then I should remember how beautiful everything is: the vicissitudes of life in all its unstinting unrelenting glorious myriad forms no matter how gruesome, graphic, ugly or transcendental is what it is and if you can look into these eyes without flinching then you are really beginning to live and breathe.
The lotus and the muck are one.