Thursday, June 18, 2009
I could not sleep last night. It was one of those nights (where the body refuses to pass out- something strange at work here; could this be the body's claim over the countless days i have slept through through the years? i dunno. But i do know there has been an acute sense of urgency in the way i see and live life. Now this aint got nothing to do with sprinting. it is a mere observation but a fascinating one nonetheless> that i feel the urgency to live....becasue i am beginning to actually see how time does pass so fast! and it keeps on keeping even when you are dead-weight-sitting on the hands and legs of father time. He just keeps churning sunsets and sunrises; moonlights and cresents; weeks into months; months into years; spring to summer to autun to winter.
Its all so fvkin' naked and clear. i'm already dead. i'm already gray and old; they are cremating me. But this insight frees me. i am lighter now than i ever used to be. my mother is a practicing buddhist. i see the power of the practice in her. it just glows and forms an aura of calm acceptance.
i've friends who do the dharma. i used to be a D-bum once- did the pilgrimages, attended the teachings and read the books (with disussions galore in-between-bouts).
now i don't read 'em.
now i don't think about 'em wise sayings and philosophies. Funny that! I now feel more buddhist having decided to shun the glam-dhram!
Instead i am getting tattoos. theres a few that express certain truths: impermanence, transformation, hope and fear, unshakable faith, wisdom and method and me personal favorite:
"to laugh in the face of death; to live and die without regret."
it accompanies the laughing skull- holding two lotus-flowers in its teeth.
it fit into this scar i had from a branding i tried during those college years when the yearning and pining for what not is the greatest.
the fact that the brand came out loking like the outline of a skull and the fact that i came across a wonderful blog where an englishman does tibetan calligraphy in chinese ink was just fvckin' great!
i mean...the laughing skull now sits there tucked in that searching scar of yesteryear!
Now to live and die without fear...opportunities disguised as challenges and obstacles everywhere...No wonder the director's POV is what makes a good movie a great movie...esp. when he's aware of the play...toys and all.