Saturday, July 11, 2009

Sleep Without Dreams

I stopped dreaming. I don't see dreams anymore. I got up this morning the same way i've been getting up these past few months. No dreams. No nothing at all. I just die every night. When i do wake up in the mornings, it's like Lazarus minus the drama.
I've stopped seeing dreams. It feels flat and nice. There was a time when my sleep was laden with fantasies galore; wishful longings of the desirable ego wanting a thousand and one things.
Dreams that would weave such magic that the waking moments were soaked in dire disappointments!

You see; i'd rather much have been dreaming; dreaming of a scenario where i am the subject and the object. Dreaming dreams where you are Madonna's San Pedro; Where you are Vito Corleone's son, heir and pride of the clan, Michael Corleone.
In your dreams you're the hero and the villain. You get the whole hog.

Back in the bunkers of my boarding school and later on in the spacious confines of our rooms in college i dreamt some more. Dreaming about such glories as Shakespeare's: "We're such stuff as dreams are made on; and our little life is rounded off in sleep." I read that in The Tempest and dreamt about it.

Morning awakenings were a sore reminder of the dreary dullness of reality and life. Sometimes you'd try to force your way back into the dream; realising that the scene outside the window was just so real and ordinary. The sound of a cricket batting away a sixer wasn't much of a draw. The dreams! Now they were spicy and dicey!

I stopped seeing dreams a few months (or has it been years?) back. I don't know how it came to be. I stopped wishing and i stopped hoping. I stopped fantasizing and i stopped desiring. My wish- list today would read "blank." There's nothing i wanna become or nothing in particular i wanna wish for. I thought Aladdin was the luckiest kid when i was a kid. Now i think that lamp and the genie in it must have been so much burden.
I thought Richie Rich was the luckiest kid in the whole wide world. Now i see how bonkers he could have gone with all that quid and hang about-bullocks in the mansion.
I thought Superman was the coolest dude on the face of the universe. Boy! i'd rather walk than fly in an underwear topping a spandex. I thought Spiderman was the next best thing to ice cream. Look at all the web he gets entangled into!

I stopped wanting to be anyone else but myself and i don't even know what that means anymore. I stopped dreaming because they disturb your sleep. I stopped thinking about dreaming because you gotta tossle and jostle a dozen times before you can fall asleep.
Even as we go to bed, our minds are laden with the bullshit of psychological importance; of expectations and deliverance; hope and fear.

That's how you pass out and that's why you get up feeling so tired and shitty after sleeping 12 hours straight!
I've stopped dreaming because life is a fuckin' miracle anyways. The fact that i can write this and you can read it is a miracle. Me getting up this morning is a bloody miracle! The dream is the matrix. Everything else that borders on the fantastical is the matrix. Reality really does not dream. The Earth does not dream of the Sky. The Sky does not dream of the Earth; And neither do the other elements of nature. They are already perfect!

When you sleep, you sleep.
When you wake, you wake.
When you eat, you eat.
When you write, you write.
When you read, you read.
When you live, be alive.
When you are, beAware.
That is all; that is all.

Ps: YourLustForLifeStartsRightNow!


Rikku said...

Hey Sir, nice one! Love it...very thoughtful!

iamMipham said...

Hi R ... Thanks... Cheers