Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Tagg & Kinn Banter Media Idioters & Jourporters (chompin' fried greasy memos & chilled beer in a jaunt called Tumbola)



Tagg: "Y'know there're geomatrical ways the way our newspapers are run by idioters with a helpless pack of jourporters?"

Kinn: "What's a jourporter?"

Tagg: “They find the name reporters misleading. Think there’s a hint of being a snitch and prefer journalists as it connotes a responsible journeyman as if the shit matters, so yeah, jourporters is what I call them.”

Kinn: "Yeah, like the mega combos of SEE E & O? / I’m not MaD and Editor-in-Thief! Boy… its funny… there’s a bloody dictator y’know; a despot in all of us that pops out the old trunk. Suddenly the simple dick with a moral disdain for material consumerism and indignant luxuries is driving the car he wrote against and even buys the aquarium for his table."

Tagg: “The sector is loaded to the brim with vegetarian hyenas and fruitarian vultures. Picky lot but y’know… Give them the best. Anyhow the nut that won’t crack but is grinded out daily, bi-weekly, weekly, and spread out sheepishly is that many of our well-known “Media People” – sounds nefarious, don’t it? Together with that other bracket called the Media House are really preaching minus the practice in hopes of hitting the ad jackpot... any pot. Problem with them is the human mediocrity rather ironically splashed in the pages. It shows how much they care about journalistic standards and the public in general; y’know, the old 'no fear no favor' crap that looks good on a shirt… that’s the two-foolproof methodical app anytime the spotlights are on them. Its basically misers with vulgar propositions seeking what they scorn.”

Kinn: "Right. Isn’t the well-known bit really the notoriety? Word has it that a particular clan called The Mosquito Brotherhood and their fleas run a racket fronted by a newspaper and other pseudo publications wrapped in fake patriotism as it lends credibility and all that baloney." 

Tagg: “Well… its in black and white and rather bewildering how they never see it. Readers are folks with a fair amount of common sense, not retards... they forget that... maybe its the Three Monkey Syndrome... y'know... as long as the bananas peel, its the see no, hear no, talk no, don't know attitude. And all that matters none when antics come printed in black and white. Don’t ya feel like just taking that shit they call the news and ram it…  jam it up their arse? The news is based on such things as the social networking sites utilize: log in, hearsay, the rumor mill, the old boys network and this is what I dig… they go ahead with that reliable source! Quotations pop out from that ever reliable and anonymous civil servant, private employee, and the ubiquitous shopkeeper.  The editorials are to die for. And when have ya not heard them scream and squeal for govt. ads to keep that public service going? This lot politicks more than all the politicians we have in shambhala and shangrila, or anywhere a name ends with the ‘La’. 

Kinn: “Ain’t it still that Tetra Tetanus and a bunch of his protégées he’d trained doing the media?"

Tagg: "Right mate. That old puff & strut backdoor dealer wanna play matchmaker dinosaur? He almost fossilized on account of a tadpole got into his head from the rear, or was it an earlobe?

Kinn: “On the whole there’s always a hole, as when the protégées moved on to greener pastures and left the reptile in sore melancholia.”

Tagg:  “Spot on! So the protégées are now running and ruining their own turfs. Caused the ol’ dino a lot of resentment… grief. Touchy bloke y’know. One time word spread of his death. Supposedly collapsed trying to shift the money vault to another hideout. Pure exhaustion doctors said; recommended lesser greed.”

Kinn: "Right… and no. The dino maintained it was an LPG barrel, said the doc was high... but does maintain a low profile…has to… Looming elections and he’s doin' the ol' ‘I’m The Apolitical Bloke of an Angel’ angle. Anyways, there’s an interesting effect whenever I see him on junkets, TV, and of course, in the flesh. His mediocrity follows you around the room. No matter where I sit or where he is positioned, it always appears as if he hasn’t moved a single paradigm for donkey’s years, but the shallow hack of his substandard news sans integrity is always ready to pounce… ready to bounce off like a cute lovable rubber ball. The chap emits these signs… gestures… backed up by the talk that never walks… Had he been fatter the skeletons would go opaque… but y’now…skinny fella… you see the ribs, the bones. You want the rest of that memos?” 

Tagg: “Lap it up. But good memos huh? Yup. Love the memos here. Best in town… Don’t tell but it’s the ol’ tastemaker! Don’t ya just dig how we always eat the bullshit they dish out wrapped in cheap foils?” 

Kinn: “That’s how we roll I guess… it’s the genes y’know. DNA and all that shit is the real deal man. But someday somebody; make that nobodies... someday a lot of these nobodies gonna get a hurt real bad as Russell would say.”

Tagg: “That’s the question that’s been hounding the bugger. Used to pull strings from the shadows and now lives in one I hear. Sort of a metaphorical Godown.”

Kinn: “Its tough times but what goes around comes around as they say. Looks like its coming around for him; There’s always someone that’ll shove that shit you dish out right back at ya. John wasn’t kidding when he wrote and sang Instant Karma y’know. He had a dose of that. A bit traumatized from getting the beak way too wet.”


Tagg: “You just read my mind!”

Kinn: “The great thing about the subject and the profession if it be that is you can totally ignore the public. It’s ingenious- employ the young, and females at that, mind you, to gather the factional information and the vulnerable to do your dirty laundry and put them to labor with sugared talk or arrogant pretension on a rationed pay scale. When they rebel or get on with the ‘no fear no favor’ motif, you turn the whole thing around and if the fella resists, fire him on the spot.”

Tagg: “I’m guessing chicks don’t get fired. They get embedded, don’t they?”

Kinn: “Oh boy! Embedded indeed! I get a feeling he’s a massive fan of the mop baron- y’know?  The Trump of the Donald variety that does philanthropic work such as that charitable project called The Apprentice. The paper then has stuff that bothers them. Y’know… alcohol, drugs, unwanted pregnancies, fatherless kids and husbandless wives and adultery amongst their many other ailments. I guess its

kind of cathartic. Then there’s the investigative story with a patent on it. One classic was the Miner with a Heart of Gold imprisoned for polluting the purity of his neighbors by causing envy, jealousy, and domesticated violence. Of course there’s your party report depending on which way your whiff blows and the never dependable youth problem- a real life saver. Yeah, just problems. There’s no solution. We could replace the word problem with a word like that.. y’know… like ‘I’ve a youngling’. Pages of it, but that’s because little else in the public domain is related to the public. It’s more like creating a pubic mess. But they call it public dissemination.”

Tagg: “Love the headliners. It’s better than wanking off to some porn I tell ya… And the unintended satire is priceless. Then comes the concoction from the witches of Shobla and the Warlocks of Eastville. The bastards! 
The exaggeration. The omissions and the add-ons. 
I barged in in an inn when the shit piled up, and had the senior self-aggrandized doyen on the floor. Did nothing. 
They just get floored when confronted. Second time we had a meet, and it concluded just the same. 
The bastard lies on a couch and bleeds at will. Thought he was gonna kick the bucket! 
And get this; man has a red-hot temper but no stomach for the inevitable fight. 
I shoulda actually done it. I didn’t… y’know… frail fella with a lot of brittle bones. 
A punch could kill the chap, seriously. We hit the slammer. He tested positive for Ganja. He reckoned I would. Mine was tranquilizers. All squared and slammered. Never seen a chap that outta place in the can. Wanted to do the time just to debug that cockroach. But these chaps are all interrelated... a real nexus. Exasperates and astonishes me all the time. The wanna be Mr Murdoch claimed he’d never seen a single marijuana plant. Stevie Wonder would have been enraged. I dunno if he was pulling a sentimental one on the old bloke benched at No*5 in the District Court. 
The judge was no fool. He just said machines don’t lie. Neat!”

Kinn: “Heard it was long awaited and well deserved. 
Lot of folks found peace.”

Tagg: “We did a week. I read Shantaram. A jolly good break the papers reported discreetly about five days later. Contemplative jourporters y’know. 
The fuckin' circus!”

Kinn: “Heard he’d had a double decker classic pack of fags?”

Tagg: “Folks incarcerated for less and yeah, ol' dino had a pack of classic fags. Chainsmokes. They buried it. These guys do the crime and it was crystal clear they’d never thought of doing the time. I mean, where’s the honor? Spineless spindoctors with a spoilt penchant for breads buttered both ways. Anyhow I went freelance, but really a hiatus from the romp. They went back to business pulling strings. Same ol’ same ol’ shit y’know.”

Kinn: “Back in the racket with a bang I reckon.”

Tagg: “Showbusiness Kinn, showbusiness tho' they never show the biz. And back to the media that houses the front porch. But damage done had to be erased, justified… they went “I’m sorry Sir, but we are a highly respected and professional weekly current affairs newspaper. The whole Ganja episode was a misunderstanding. I don’t even know what marijuana looks like. How it got into my moral red blood cells still mystifies me was the righteousness tone. That wasn’t a smart move. Pissed off even the pigs and naturally, the plant-eaters. This cat ever goes to the joint he's had it and if its Jamaica he’s a dead man.”

Kinn: “Fuckin' imposters posing as priests! I'd a cuz that got fired as rapidly as he'd gotten hired. Poor lad's still recovering from the shock. They painted a sad picture of the bugger and a violent one on the other but there were no buyers... no takers. The showbiz was game over.”

Tagg: “Yup. I was the other. I said I’ll watch, and get back to you on an assault or two quoted and attributed to me and at me and on me. The gutless toads. Obviously I took what was mine from the paper I vamped. They’ll pimp their women if profits lurked and I wasn’t gonna let them profit from mine. The whole show was one endless fuckin' wank and not a very good one at that. Okay Kinn, if I say arsehole, what comes to your mind?”


Kinn: “Tetra Tetanus!”


Tagg: “And if I say Mother Fucker?”


Kinn: “Potty Bellied Vajra!”

Tagg: “Right on! Anyhow, here’s my tip for a dip how they do the contents. Its mediocre media selling stale, monumentally smug, baring their bored bones and smart ignorance relentlessly... keeping it consistently up and about through sheer robbery of the objectivity of the truth is their want. I stopped reading the bull… been kinda refreshingly relaxing.”

Kinn: “I hear editorial rooms at most of the mediocre houses are flirting in those meets with instant flash messages for extra curricular rendezvous for big sensitive story leads and it’s basically the F-arrangement as I get it or to plan stories are planted.”

Tagg: “Yeah man, and it just gets better and better. Juicy stuff. Usually they’ve grand altruistic yackety-yak if the bother is none but bang on an obvious truth about members that have mutual ties with The Mosquito Brotherhood and suddenly there’s a whole lotta wholesome layouts justifying why they shouldn’t do certain stories. They have meetings to discuss the meetings they had and mind ya; it’s the daily rut but they thrive on that! If you wanna talk about empty rhetoric this is the den. Most stories, really an insult to the word, are buckwheats constantly regurgitated. Fictionalized with a little fact to give it that respectability and the rest of the stuff is 'how do we fill in the blank pages?' besides the most important component- the ads. It’s a bloody charade but one helluva trip!”

Kinn: “But what’s with the personalized biography? I think it was no coincidence. 
I know this jourporter. Her name’s Titty… something... yeah… Titty Hoo. She once bummed me for a joint. A pothead. And this Titty goes to a place, buys the stuff off my suppliers and next thing I know my sources are in the slammer! That’s when I moved over to the booze. The bloody conniving bitch!” 

Tagg: “Yeah. They gave her a prize for gallantry and courage in the face of narcotics. The best bit is they called it the Happiness Story. I tell ya man, the shit goes so deep you don’t smell the crap no more. Your odor as you know it is dead. Gone. Snuffed out. Get this, the award was grandly handed out by the ruling reps bedecked, costumed, plastic smiles firmly held to go with that rubber humility and organized by a government body. You can’t concoct tales like that. It was dubbed the Media Mediocre Awards and the media reps are back benched and pissed off. The ruling luminaries seated upfront as humbly as only a croc can- mouth agape and paralyzed. And the pitch was simple: 
do happy stories. 


Kinn: "Why not! Begin every artilce with a mandated 'Once upon a time...' and end it with 'and they lived happily ever after'."


Tagg: "According to G the Glasscutter, other jourporter zealots slandered and scandalized the trophies they didn’t get to show off. It was G who ended this absurd play. He’d not budge on the fundamental fact that the whole thing takes away whatever little credit is left of the mediocre houses. You can ask around town. Go to any bar and there are unpaid tabs. And yet the pricks are willing to forgive and forget if there’s applause served with applesauce, and bravos to their imaginary ethos, along with urgent grants from the same ruling class for much required HR trainings. ‘Is that asking too much? I fucking ask you? Is it? We ain’t asking for the moon, though that be welcome too, but give us this day and every day our daily grant' the pricks chanted. ‘You give we receive’. It’s only fair and in the interests of the reptilian species that’s un-endangered they mumbled and murmured.”

Kinn: “And the elected reps are saints! Living fucking humanitarians! And yet, I still want to kill the entire lot with my bare fucking hands! The jourporters are already damned; all laurels to The Mosquito Brotherhood. But some of those reps are gonna get vodoolized I swear!”


Tagg: “Don’t surprise me. I know you’ve had a hard on for being a closet romantic. Tho’ killing them with bare knuckles might be more than a handful. But do what you gotta do. If you really go ahead, start with the mediocre fuckers parading as responsible jourporters. I’ll even give you the machete. But its gotta be The Mosquito Brotherhood. Clip the hypocrites and feed 'em to the PeeLing crocs.”

Kinn: “You got a deal! But hey… Remember the fag fiasco? They wanted a nation of non-fags beating the shit out of their wives revved upped by the booze. Gotta admire the bloody imagination and the gumption! The bloody nerve!”

Tagg: “That’s if they aren’t already out crawling on all fours, passing out on a curb and freezing to death, as the papers would promptly say and give it an apt header such as ‘Man Dies Deadly Frozen; Wife Feeling Delirious. Booze Prime Suspect,’ say stoned witnesses.”

Kinn: “That fag-ban was the patang up their own shit hole. What’s the odds of jailing a monk after those dickheads got too clever with the overacting? And a cat told me how G was told; apparently from the many feedbacks that come from an amazing array of folks you’ve never seen or heard of. Too much coverage was the feedback. G took that guy’s head and shoved it all the way up his butt. Last heard his constipated life loosened up a bit.”


Tagg: “Didn’t they also write a love letter to the powers that be declaring the
immediate need for earrings and to stall licensing new papers and publications from hitting the market?”

Kinn: “Yeah. Read the shit. It’s a classic. A timeless piece. They should frame it up and hang it in the National Museum or make it mandatory that all mediocre houses must have one such frame, life-sized and billboarded in the entrance.”

Tagg: “Yeah. And in the exit have another that says “You’re Exiting the Asshole”.

Kinn: “And the politicking. If you remember, two double O eight is nothing compared to the shadow games these apolitical lot engage in. its all agendas. But what’s new? They love making calendars and dairies. JAB was a flab.”

Tagg: “So today what’s the scene like? Been abroad and all I read on the web is what I’d already read when I was around a couple of years back.”

Kinn: “Hmm…Lets see… about a dozen papers have mushroomed. There’s The Weekly Repeat... The Weekly Sponge of Happiness, The Daily Shrimps, a bi-weekly that was a daily that has a cock for a PR… called What Day is Today? Then came the new bees- a weekly financial called Honey, Show Me The Money. Another weekly bisexual named The Violin and The Vocalist just got out of the closet; yet one more weekly newbie for the uninterested generation aptly named Call Mom; Dad Pissed. Others pending in the septic tank that was stalled is called The Weekly Fish, and the much anticipated Where’s My Ad?”


Tagg: “What happened to periodicals?”

Kinn: “One became a cook and the other went broke and the rest publish in a realm called the bardo. But there’s a fella just done the time for his crime and can’t wait to double up the lost time. He’d asked G for a freebie, wanted to do a mag for nerds and turds and call it The Monthly Confession. G advised him; told him to call it what it was- The Monthly Blank, after the facial expression he was born with. The bugger liked that and is all geared, along with this priceless tagline- 
‘We’re The World; Who The Fuck Are You?’.”

Tagg: “Hay Shoes, Mariah Carey and Crisscross!”

Kinn: “Amen to that.”


Tagg: "Hallelujah!"

Reality: Because Assholes Note  & Type Empty Rhetoric


PS: YourLustForLifeStartsRightNow! 


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